FAILURE: The human side of the story
This is funny. We rush and run and then we run some more. We push
and shove and shame and defeat. Then there are the lies and the shortcuts that
are the snakes in our cupboard. All for that one thing called as “Success”. It
is important and hence we are trained for it.
But what is success? Ask this and wait for all the philosophical
answers that you can tolerate. Then ask again “What is success?” And keep on
asking till you get the one universal definition that rules the world- “
Success is doing better, having better, earning better, vacationing better,spending capacity better than… better than?... better than XYZ…”
I want to stop sometimes, I want to focus on other things that
seem to be more important for me- peace, contentment, happiness, companionship,
adventure… but it seems that I have been programmed to be in the race and try
to be better… they say it is called “SUCCESS”.
And so when I go by this definition of success another
definition automatically springs up as a corollary, “If you are not successful
– you are a failure” and that is when it hurts. Stand- alone, ‘failure’ may not
be so poisonous but it is given to us as an OPPOSITE of success. Thus it
becomes a double- edged sword. It hurts further because while the whole system
was teaching me how to succeed none ever guided me towards how to deal with
failures… for that matter this ‘F’ word was never as much uttered except in
utter disgust and contempt. While the parameters of success were being
glorified at every stage failure, had no definite destination …it was presumed
to be there every time success eluded us.
However, notable fact is that ‘failure’ does not have the same
devastating effect on all and some others keep on growing leaps and bounds as
if they have never experienced ‘failure’. Well we know they have because none
is ever spared of failures. Yet some triumph while others remain ordinary and
are often seen sighting their ‘unfortunate’ failures.
Also it can be observed that Adult “failure” is many fold more
dangerous and destructive than its juvenile counterpart. Simply because in
early life the stakes were mostly material – rank or no rank, prize or no
prize, celebration or no… you get the drift…Hence the hurt was mostly short
lived. But adult failure is much more beyond what appears- it is not about the
promotion, the money the project success or the incentives- it is about the
most sensitive parameters of all- SELF ESTEEM.
Now failure is actually a simple phenomenon where one is not able
to achieve or perform what one is supposed to or expected to. Examine the
statement again. It makes this whole business of ‘failure’ so innocent. But add
one small dose of ‘low self- esteem’ to it and the whole thing becomes at once
complicated. The difference between the failure of a self- assured person and
that of a person with low or negative self- esteem is huge.
*A self -assured person would*:
Ø Not take the failure personally.
Ø He would be able to put it in the context of the time
and circumstances.
Ø He would evaluate and be ready for a second try with
new strategies and renewed confidence.
Ø For them the failure is just the other side of the
coin of success.
On the other hand a person with low self- esteem would:
Ø Look at failure as personal sin, it would incite in
him the feelings of guilt, shame, anger, revenge etc.
Ø He would be looking for a scape-goat to put it on.
Ø He may either try to shy away from the whole project
in question or create such an environment that others would take it away from
him.
Ø He would most probably never accept his share of
responsibility for the failure and hence the question of learning from the
failure and the prospect of analysis and enthusiastic re start is almost
negligible.
Ø He can even be aggressive and spiteful just so to
detach attention from the feeling of having failed.
Ø Such a person often live in stress and is known to
shirk responsibilities of change and start up as they are afraid of failure.
Ø He usually has negative attitude towards anything new
or different and would often discourage boss and colleagues from taking it up.
When observed and understood from this perspective it is obvious
that:
Ø Failure is not an absolute phenomenon.
Ø The responses to failure are of bigger concern than
the failure itself.
Ø Individuals may respond differently to the same
failure depending upon their confidence and self-esteem.
Ø Individuals with low self- esteem can create
cascading negativity from even a small or innocent failure.
Ø Self- confident, self-assured individuals can create
failures into learning opportunities and use them for higher performance.
*In Conclusion*:
To ensure minimal damages due to failure of projects and processes
and relationships it is important to:
Ø Work on creating positive and mutually supportive
work and home environment.
Ø Create a custom of ‘TIME OUT’ where in each person
compulsorily spends quite time with self minus any gadgets- this encourages
introspection.
Ø Invest in raising the self- esteem of people by
regular and result oriented behavioral trainings and counseling services.
Ø Give opportunities to employees and family members to
keep learning and enhancing their personal qualifications and skills in order
to boost their self-esteem.
Ø Encourage Mentorship, Coaching and Counseling.
There is a need to remove the fear and contempt from the work
‘failure’ and accept it as a happening on the way to anything. It is the people
who are important and they need to be helped and guided rather than judged and ridiculed.
*DR. SAPNA SHARMA*
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