GUYS... ARE YOU REALLY MODERN? by Dr.sapna Sharma

Okay, I am not a feminist, but here’s one for the husbands and boyfriends.

DO you GIVE freedom to your partner?

Wait, I have another question - What is the need for you to GIVE her freedom? Is she not free herself?

We confidently claim to be the ‘modern’ generation. Our clothes and language and material choices do scream of modernity but, are we really modern? I mean in our thinking and approach towards life?

So if you are an exception, don’t take this personally.

When you fall for a girl, you have certain parameters in your mind. Interestingly most men wish for a modern woman. You wish for a wife whom you can proudly present to the society, with whom you can talk, who should be very attractive to you, she should be game for your definition of parties, and her attractive dressing sense is an added magnet for you to begin with. Her being educated is of course so very important for you.

Often once this alliance is formalized your vocabulary changes. What she should not wear, whom she should not talk to, how she should take care of the entire household whether she works equal hours as you or not. I often witness guys also telling their partner things like, “why did you laugh so much?” “How can you dance in front of so many?” “Sit down everyone if looking at you” “Why can't you dress up like everyone else?”

Then there are those “ultra modern” ones who believe it is their right to marry a girl of their choice in the modern world, but when their parents discuss dowry and huge expenses with the bride's family they simply back of saying, “I can't hurt my parents!!”

You like to decide what kind of place she should work in, that she should not be casual with her work colleagues, that she should have outings only with your friends, and then when she fights you say, “I GIVE you so much freedom to work and you don’t value that”.

Really? Can you imagine she saying this to you? Obviously not, because deep down the garb of modernity we are still the same. A man is FREE but a woman needs to be GIVEN FREEDOM.

Reality check guys: What is your normal vocabulary:

1. I let her work OR It is her choice whether to work or not

2. I let her follow her passion OR She is very passionate about her hobby

3. Our family gives her full freedom OR In our family, we all have a right to choose

4. I give her permission to be with her friends till late OR She loves to have a great time with her friend.

5. She works but kitchen is her domain OR We share housework too.

No need to share your answers with anyone, but certainly time to think.

Till the time your vocabulary is not free of: I GIVE HER FREEDOM, you are not modernized yet- Look for a partner who can match your thinking and can be the obedient wife you actually need. Believe me, life would be so much simpler.

(Another one would follow for the girls soon)

Lets Go...by Dr.Sapna Sharma

We want to be happy and we want to live in peace but we keep holding on to the very things and people that are causing us the pain and hurt. Learning to identify those things that bind us to our pain and letting them go is the spiritual and practical way of living a happy and peaceful life.

Watch this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DksrR1GdYQs

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/let-go-dr-sapna-sharma?trk=pulse_spock-articles

HAVE STRESS? –SHARE IT!

We all siblings would create some issue or other for our parents to handle. Of course, we didn’t mean it that way. We just thought we were very smart!! To our parents, that would simply spell as Trouble with a capital ‘T’. But my father would often discuss those issues with people around- friends, family, colleagues. Frankly to me it simply meant embarrassment. “Why can’t he keep the family matters to the family?” but he grew stronger every day.

Years later as I sit in my office counselling distressed families and couples and parents, one thing that strikes me is that they all want their troubles and problems to be buried inside my chamber. Often I hear this, “We don’t share our problems with anyone. They would only make fun of my child… anyway my brother in law thinks very high of himself”

 

 No wonder we are stressed and under tremendous pressure to appear good and ideal in every way. We can’t share. As a generation, we are obsessed with creating an ideal pictures of us and our families. A task that is almost next to impossible. We would have flaws till such time that we are still humans. But we do not wish to accept that.

 I meet beautiful looking people, some with wealth overflowing and others with degrees and certificates that cannot be accommodated on one wall. And they are stressed. Almost breaking inside every moment in a desperate attempt to hold their masks of ‘perfection’ in place. They fight among themselves and abuse their challenging children but then they put on their masks with wide smiles to the outside world. We show this photo-shopped picture to not just the random world but to our closest family and friends. We cannot accept that things can be wrong with us.

 We as a generation are expending huge energy on hiding our pain and trying to prove to the world that there is nothing wrong with us. Hence we can’t even ask for solutions. Try sharing for once. Try asking for help. You may not get an immediate solution but the moment you share half your burden is taken care of. You may cry while sharing and that takes care of some more of your stress. And now you have one more head and 2 more hands to help sort out your troubles. If not anything there is one place you can be yourself, not pretend to be perfect and enjoy a genuine smile or tear.

Life would continue to offer challenges, children would fall in love and spouses would cheat. Bosses may be partial and we might be cheated on. But that is life. Why feel ashamed? You are not the only on in this world to face it. Try sharing and you would be better equipped to face it without unnecessary stress of pretending to be perfect.

IT IS ABOUT THE INDIVIDUAL

People are very interesting in the sense that they are each very unique and have a strong individuality in their personality. However, they gather under the umbrella of an organization that caters to some of their needs. Initially the focus is on the fulfillment of those outer worldly needs. In time those aims of joining the organization or cause come to be a routine and that is when the unrest peeks up its head.

where to find peace

Often we tend to blame the circumstances and people for our stress, disturbed mind and life. However, inner peace and happiness has nothing to do with what is happening in the world or what others are doing.

Appreciation Therapy by Dr.Sapna Sharma

APPRECIATION THERAPY- By Dr. SAPNA SHARMA

Please do SHARE if you believe it can help someone.

Did anyone ever say to you, “You are the best!” or something similar? I can bet that the very thought of that memory, even if it had happened years back, would bring sparkle to your eyes and warmth in your heart.

That is the magic of appreciation. Two words, just two are enough. “Hi beautiful” said even by a stranger makes the day. We know it. We have all experienced it. Doesn’t matter what the praise is about but the feeling is same- simply great. We want to believe every word said in our praise. We know we all crave for this feeling of being praised. Why else do we keep checking back for comments ever few minutes when we post anything on the social media?

We know it. We want it and we use it to encourage people or to impress them in formal settings. And yet we are so stingy when it comes to giving out praises to our friends and family. In fact we find every reason not to do it.

When I was growing up the adult Buzz- word was: “Don’t praise the children or you will spoil them!!”  And boy! Did they follow it to the hilt!! I grew up believing there was nothing good about me. And trust me- that hurts!!

You know it of course. And yet it is so difficult to appreciate those who are really dependent on us for their dose of praise! Interestingly most of us find it rather awkward to say good things to people close to us. Things like ‘I love you’, ‘you are so handsome’,  ‘you are the best child a parent could have’ and more find place only in a very few households. Rest of us believe that such things are not be expressed only experienced especially by the close ones.

If that is so then why do we express our anger and our disapproval so often and in so many words too? We can even justify some of our physical and mental violence under the pretext of “they deserve it”. What surprises me is that those bad words said with real rage, that hysterical shouting, those emotional neglects…all those really bad things we do so very easily and so frequently but are so very shy even to tell our spouse simple words like, “I love you, you are the best.”

There is magic in appreciation. We expect great relationships, loyal partners and obedient loving children. We get them things that money can buy and spend our days and nights to earn for that, but we do not make efforts to consciously think what wonders a few words can do. Often I meet people who make no efforts to say those few inexpensive words even when their partners tell them so directly and beg them to do so. They brush it away with, “these are all so cheap, superficial things”. Parents reprimand their children for not being confident, bosses chastise employees, but find it so difficult to engage in systematic appreciation routine to raise their self-esteem. And then if your need  appreciation, how are they different from you?

All it needs is a desire to genuinely see your loved ones happy and confident. It is easy, most inexpensive way to relationships of love, harmony and loyalty. Do try it!

Dr. Sapna Sharma

Spiritual Counselor, Life Coach, Author & Speaker

Holistic Scientific program on RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT On Sunday 21st August 2016

Holistic Scientific program on RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT for those of MARRIAGEABLE age & THE MARRIED.( 25 years + only).

Next Program on relationship management for the youth will soon follow!!

Please SHARE with your contacts in and around NAGPUR if you believe it can help someone

How to Reach:

On Sunday 21st August 2016. Between 6pm to 8pm.

Venue: Banyan Hall, Chitnavis Centre, Civil Lines, Nagpur .

Please contact for more detail Dr.Chetan 9422444849 or collect your passes from Dr.sapna Sharma office S2, Manindra Smriti Nagpur, 8, Chitale Marg, Dhantoli, Nagpur, Maharashtra 440012, India

सकाळ १६- नाती- कर्मसंचय — आणि आध्यात्म Please SHARE if you believe it can help some one

सकाळ १६- नाती- कर्मसंचय — आणि आध्यात्म Please SHARE if you believe it can help some one

“डॉकटर मला घटस्फोट घ्यायचा आहे, पण माझा नवरा माझ्या कर्मामुळे मला मिळाला आहे. सगळे म्हणतात जर ह्या जन्मी मी त्याला सोडले तर पुढच्या जन्मी परत मला कर्म पूर्ण करायला.

त्याच्या सोबतच याव लागेल. त्या पेक्षा आता जसं आहे तसं निभावून घे. पण त्याच्या सोबत राहणं खरंच कठीण आहे. सारखा भांडतो, मारतोही, मुलांच्या समोर अपमान करतो.”

इतक्यात अश्याच ४-५ कहाण्या ऐकण्यात आल्या. वर्षानु वर्ष एक ना अनेक कारणांनी चुकीच्या लग्न संबंधात अडकलेल्या जोडप्याना एकत्र ठेवण्याचे समाजाचे आणखी एक कारण मला आश्यर्यचकित करून गेले. म्हणजे आता लोकांना आध्यात्मा बद्दल जागरूकता येऊ लागल्या मुळे आध्यात्माचाही वापर करायला आपण पुढे मागे पाहात नाही. गम्मतच आहे खरी.

नाती तुटायला नको हे खरं. त्यासाठी पूर्णपणे प्रयत्न करणे हि गरजेचं आहे. पण त्याही नंतर जर एक किंवा दोघे सतत अतिशय दुःखी असतील तर काय करायला हवे? शारीरिक आणि मानसिक प्रताडणेतच जगावे असा अलिखित फर्मान का आहे आपल्या समाजात? आणि त्याला पाठींबा म्हणून आपण अध्यात्म आणि देवाच्या नावाखाली दडपण आणायला आणि भय दाखवायलाही कमी करत नाही!

कर्माचं चक्र आहे. पण ते आपल्या गतीने फिरत आहे. बायकोला मारणारा नवराही कर्म संचय करतोच आहे ना? मग त्याला ह्या पासून वाचवायला त्याच्या पत्नीला त्याच्यापासून दूर जायचा सल्ला कुणी का देत नाही? पत्नीने मार खात तिथेच राहायचं ह्यात कुठलं अध्यात्म आहे?

मनुष्य धर्माचं पहिलं कर्तव्य- मिळालेलं आयुष्य प्रेम, आनंद आणि आंतरिक शातंतेत व्यतीत करावं. त्याच वेळी कुणाला आपल्यामुळे त्रास होऊ नये हे जितकं महत्वाचं आहे तितकंच हे हि महत्वाचं आहे कि परमात्म्याचे देणे असलेल्या आपल्या ह्या शरीराला आणि मनालाहि विनाकारण इजा होऊ नये. तसे झाल्यास तो हि निर्मात्याचा अपमानच आहे.

कर्माचं चक्र चालताच राहणार. ते आपल्या हातात नाही .कशाचा कसा हिशेब होणार आहे ते समजण्याची आमची पातळी नाही. आपले लक्ष प्रेम, आनंद आणि आंतरिक शांततेकडे केंद्रित असायला हवे. कुणाला इजा करू नये, पण विनाकारण इजा करून हि घेऊ नये.

नाती आपल्या आत्म्याच्या प्रगतीसाठी असतात. त्या प्रगतीला मदत होईल असे लोक आपल्या आयुष्यात येतात. प्रेम आणि शांतता कायम ठेवण्याचा प्रयत्न प्रत्येकाने करावा. पण जिथे दोघेही बदलायला आणि एकमेकांची काळजी घ्यायला तयार नसतील तिथे त्या दुःखातून मिळालेले धडे जमा करावे आणि त्यासाठी त्या व्यक्तीला आणि परमेश्वराला धन्यवाद देऊन आयुष्यात पुढे जावे.

अध्यात्मा मध्ये शिक्षा, सूड, अश्या नकारात्मक भावनांना जागा नाही. कर्माचे चक्र हि आत्म्याच्या प्रगती साठीच. जीवन सुंदर आणि सकारात्मकरित्या जगायला अध्यात्मिक संकल्पना समजायला हवी. कधी कधी नाती जुळतात पण जमत नाही. पण नातं जोडलं म्हणून अगदी रोज भांडून, छळ सहन करूनही ते नातं निभवायचंच असं कुठल्या ग्रंथात म्हंटले आहे? एक मेकांना सांभाळुन जगायचा प्रयत्न करावा. पण प्रयत्ना अंतीही ते शक्य नसेल तर एक मेकांना प्रेमाने आशीर्वाद देऊन, आयुष्यात मिळालेल्या अमूल्य शिकवणी साठी नतमस्तक होऊन, पुढची वाट शोधावी.

TOUGH LOVE Article by Dr.Sapna Sharma

All parents love their children, but does our love help them prepare for a healthy and confident survival in the real world OR Does it only give us a satisfaction that we did everything best for them? Sometimes both the things might mean the same but not every time. Consider the following example:

When the child habitually throws his uniform around and is never able to find his things at the proper place and on time- After repeated warnings and guidance, continued intervention by the parent to arrange his things and ensure a clean uniform for him is a self-indulgent form of love which is further making the child careless, dependent and irresponsible and in turn taking him one step further from responsible independent living. Tough love in this case would either set and follow strict rules, or let the child go about in dirty uniform, missing school box or incomplete notebooks and letting him face the consequences thus learning the very important lesson of “Cause-Effect Relationship” that would go a long way in life.

We get many such opportunities to help the children learn the importance of essential survival practices like self- discipline, neatness, responsible behaviour etc.

True love is ‘Tough Love” that lets the child learn early even though it may appear to the parent of being “harsh” or “unloving”.

The primary responsibility of the parent is to help the child learn the ways of the world and the best and healthiest survival practices. Indulging the child with expensive school, branded footwear, expensive gadgets and luxurious trips are not the parameters of love. These are activities that we indulge in to satisfy our need to be able to give the best to the child and manya times even to show to the world what we can provide.

Regular and consistent showering of unconditionallove with a dash of tough love would save us from the use of harsh punishments and would largely prevent the setting of depression, rebellion and disconnection so commonly seen among kids and the youth today.

drsapnasharma.com

Online and Direct counselling with expert on Spiritual parenting and Life coach

live counselling for Spiritual parenting resource| Spiritual counselling| Relationship counseling and

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Life coaching for professional and personal empowerment | Parenting expert | Self Growth Expert| Relationship & Parenting counselling

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FORTUNATE or DOOMED article by Dr.Sapna Sharma

FORTUNATE or DOOMED article by Dr.Sapna Sharma

“You are very fortunate to get to do what you want. I never had that freedom. My parents never allowed. There was no support. Had they been supportive I would have been someone different.”

No sir - I was not fortunate. I grew up like you. Was told to take up science when I wished for humanities, Medicine instead of Home science… and when finally I decided to quit an established Surgical Practice in favor of what I am doing today - everyone, those close at home and the not so close, all without exceptions told me, “you are out of your mind. No one quits a medical profession for something as vague as counseling. You will end up losing it all.”

But finally I got the chance to make my choice- and I chose what I knew after a good amount of research to be the ‘thing’ for me. Path was not easy of course as what I do today had no existence or acceptance in this part of the world. But today when I do look like a success this is what they say to me, “You are very fortunate to…”

Go back and check on your life. Did you never have a choice or an option? Do you feel you have options today? “It is so difficult. There are demands on my time you know. I need to earn or take care of a family etc. etc. …” It still amazes me every time I hear it!! Who doesn’t have demands on their time? Who is free of responsibilities? I had two kids below 6, Indian in - laws, a husband and a medical career with no way to afford full time help. I remember having stayed up night after night for years scanning pages and researching and preparing for the next day. The only time I could give to my passion was that after everything was set right for everyone around me.

But it is not that. I know when they say I can’t what they mean is I won’t- “I won’t sacrifice my sleep, I won’t miss the Saturday outings, I won’t miss that weekend afternoon sleep- after all I have earned it, I won’t study anymore… I won’t…”

Just as it is easier for most people to take a tranquilizer, rather than to solve the cause of tension, so it is easier for most to let the opinions of others guide them, rather than to do their own thinking.

They prefer to complain and criticize even the parents who did the best for them rather than take it up and work on their dreams.

Of course, it would require study, research, guidance and efforts but it is not that it can’t be done. To students I say that even if your parents force a graduation on you today, do it as a base degree…you have to do something so why not this? Then finally with a degree in hand and employment ready you will be in a position to make your decisions and stand by them.

There is nothing that can’t be done. We have too many examples of extraordinary successes around us. But to them we like to say, “He is so fortunate- I am really the doomed one.”

Which one are you?

Originally Published on: REACHO.com

असुरक्षिततेचा दोर- Dr. Sapna Sharma-(दैनिक सकाळ- १७ जलै २०१६) Please SHARE if you believe this can help someone

असुरक्षिततेचा दोर- Dr. Sapna Sharma-(दैनिक सकाळ- १७ जलै २०१६)

Please SHARE if you believe this can help someone

एक अतिशय सुंदर गोष्टं वाचनात आली. 

एक गिर्यारोहक पर्वतारोहणासाठी निघाला असतांना एका सुंदर कठड्यावरून त्याचा पाय घसरला. उंची बरीच होती पण त्याच्या पोटाला बांधून असलेल्या दोरामुळे तो मधेच लटकला. अशाच अवस्थेत बराच वेळ निघून गेला पण धुकं आणि थंडी बरीच असल्याने कुणी त्याची हाक ऐकली नाहि. अंधार आणि थंडी जस जशी वाढत गेली तसेच त्याचे नैराश्य हि खोलावले. हळू हळू मेंदू सुन्न होऊ लागला तसा त्याने परमेश्वराचा धावा सुरु केला. मग कुठल्या एका क्षणी त्याच्या मनातून आवाज आला, “तो दोर सोडून दे”… भीतीपोटी त्याने तो दोर आणखीनच घट्ट पकडला. काही काळानंतर परत तसाच आवाज आला. पण एव्हाना त्याला स्वतःवरही शंका होऊ लागली होति. दुसरा दिवस निघाल्यावर जेंव्हा बचाव दल त्याला शोधत तिथे पोहोचले तेंव्हा तो मरण पावला होता. त्यांनी आपल्या अहवालात लिहिले, “मृत्यू चे कारण- अतिशीत(फ्रीझिंग). मृत्यू समयी तो आपला दोर घट्ट पकडून झुलत होता- *जमिनी पासून फक्त सहा फुट वरती!”*

त्याने दोर सोडला असता तर?

पण वस्तुस्थिती हि आहे कि त्याने दोर सोडलाच नाहि. जमीन जवळच होती, सुटकेचा मार्ग होता, उपाय ही सोपाच होता फक्त धुक्यामुळे दिसत नव्हतं. खरं म्हणजे त्याच्याकडे दुसरा उपाय नव्हता. शेवटचा पर्याय म्हणून तरी त्याने “त्या” आतल्या आवाजाकडे लक्ष द्याटला हवे होते. पण जे दिसत नाही त्याची आपल्याला भीती वाटते. आपण भौतिकवादि आणि फक्त डोळ्यावर विश्वास ठेवणारे. अंतरात्मा किंवा तिचा आवाज वगैरे गोष्टी आपल्याला फालतू वाटतात. कारण ती आपल्याला दिसत नाही.

पण जे दिसतं तिथे सगळी उत्तरे नसतात आणि बरीच उत्तरे मनातून आलेली असतात — हे मी म्हणत नाही- आपण सगळ्यांनाच असे अनेक अनुभव आलेले आहेत. कुठल्यातरी घटनेचा निकाल काय लागणार ते मनात कुठेतरी माहीत असतं. कधी कधी नेहमीची बेल वाजली तरी फोन कुणाचा आहे हे आधीच कळतं . अमुक व्यक्ती बरोबर व्यवहार करू नये हे बरेचदा पहिल्या भेटीतच कळतं. हे अनुभाव आपल्या सगळ्यांचेच आहेत. पण भौतिकवादाच्या आपल्यावरील पकडी मुळे तर कधी लोक हसतील ह्या भीतीने “त्या” सुज्ञ आवाजाकडे आपण दुर्लक्ष करतो. आणि कालांतराने आपल्या अंतर्मनातील सर्वज्ञ बुद्धिमत्तेला आपण जुमानायचे नाही हे ठरवतो.

आपले अंतर्मन/ आत्मा ही अमर्यादित, सर्वव्यापी आहे. पण ती भौतिक डोळ्यांनी दिसत नाही. ह्या अंतर्मनाला कशाचीच भीती नाही कारण तिचा मूळ गुणधर्म हा अखंड श्रद्धा आहे. भूत, वर्तमान आणि भविष्यात एकाच वेळी वावरणारी आत्मा सर्वज्ञ आहे आणि म्हणून आपल्याला जे ‘दिसत’ आणि ‘समजत’ नाही त्याची चाहूल आपल्याला अंतर्मन देत असते.

आपल्या लहान लहान भीतीं पोटी आपण मोठे ध्येय साधत नाही. बरेचदा आपण दीर्घ काळ करत असलेले कार्य अर्धवट सोडून देतो कारण भौतिक जग सांगत की ‘हे कठीण आहे’ आणि अंतर्मनाला आपण जुमानत नाही. त्या सहा फुटावर रोखून ठेवलेल्या दोरा सारखेच आपली भीती आपल्याला मोठ्या यशापासून दूर ठेवते. त्याच असुरक्षतेपायी आपण आनंद आणि प्रेमाच्या सुखालाही दुरावतो आहोत.

श्रद्धा गहाळ आहे. भौतिक असुरक्षिततेचा दोर आम्हाला बांधू पहातोय. आणि आम्हीही त्या असुरक्षिततेला घट्ट बिलगून बसलो आहोत. आपले खरे समभाव्य शोधून काढण्याची आमची हिम्मत नाही. जे दिसते त्यालाच चिकटून बसलोय आणि ह्या असीमित निसर्गाकडे जो आपल्यासाठी असीमित खजिना आहे तो आपल्या पासून थोड्याच अंतरावर असूनही आपण त्याला मुकत आहोत.

दोर सोडायला हवा. श्रद्धा वाढवायला हवी.